Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2013 17:58:15 GMT -5
So, guess I might as well admit it but I seem to be having some personal issues right now guys, something like being stuck between a rock and hard place. To say the least I've had that moment of high school depression of not feeling up to standard and all and that finally passed a while back but it seems...well guess depression wasn't staying away.
To put it bluntly there is just a lot going on. Right now I feel at a personal conflict, mostly because of what's going on between me and family. Sometimes I just seem to be the one who takes the brunt of everyone's anger when they are irritated and other times I just feel like I'm better off not even being around. I have younger siblings who are 7 and 11 years old, my brother is in this macho-man, big shot, mister know-it-all, arrogant, and "I'm the boss" sort of phase and my sister is in a diva, queen of the world, ego phase which combined does tend to get irritating and sometimes some of their antics does get annoying. And those who have siblings I'm sure agree on that but sometimes it feels they hardly get in trouble and I take the blame for much of what they do, and probably I am overreacting but I'm not exactly one with much patience with kids sometimes. Selfish maybe but depends on your perspective from that.
Another thing is I'm always worrying about school and always having to deal with the fact it seems I have to get As and even when I get Bs it never seems good enough. Basically, I feel like I have to be a damn genius just to appease my parents. Which in speaking of them, it gets tiring that they say I'm adult and I can do what I want but then have to hear the "my house, my rules" bit and having them be overprotective and untrusting of what I can do. And lately just seems the relationship with my mother, who I spent most of my young life with alone with her as my only parent, has soured and she seems to get defensive when I help with some things, especially when telling my siblings not to do something their not suppose to.
So all in all, got a lot going on in my mind. Is this just stress that's going on? Or am I really the problem and better off gone from my family? Mean is this even a typical thing or just something really bad happening? Really I have no idea what to think or what to do, and at this rate if I ever get the chance I'm jumping at the opportunity to leave. But problem is I may end up not on much at all until I figure out what the hell is really going on.
To put it bluntly there is just a lot going on. Right now I feel at a personal conflict, mostly because of what's going on between me and family. Sometimes I just seem to be the one who takes the brunt of everyone's anger when they are irritated and other times I just feel like I'm better off not even being around. I have younger siblings who are 7 and 11 years old, my brother is in this macho-man, big shot, mister know-it-all, arrogant, and "I'm the boss" sort of phase and my sister is in a diva, queen of the world, ego phase which combined does tend to get irritating and sometimes some of their antics does get annoying. And those who have siblings I'm sure agree on that but sometimes it feels they hardly get in trouble and I take the blame for much of what they do, and probably I am overreacting but I'm not exactly one with much patience with kids sometimes. Selfish maybe but depends on your perspective from that.
Another thing is I'm always worrying about school and always having to deal with the fact it seems I have to get As and even when I get Bs it never seems good enough. Basically, I feel like I have to be a damn genius just to appease my parents. Which in speaking of them, it gets tiring that they say I'm adult and I can do what I want but then have to hear the "my house, my rules" bit and having them be overprotective and untrusting of what I can do. And lately just seems the relationship with my mother, who I spent most of my young life with alone with her as my only parent, has soured and she seems to get defensive when I help with some things, especially when telling my siblings not to do something their not suppose to.
So all in all, got a lot going on in my mind. Is this just stress that's going on? Or am I really the problem and better off gone from my family? Mean is this even a typical thing or just something really bad happening? Really I have no idea what to think or what to do, and at this rate if I ever get the chance I'm jumping at the opportunity to leave. But problem is I may end up not on much at all until I figure out what the hell is really going on.