Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2011 2:04:07 GMT -5
This is something I do every day in my english class since the second week of school, and well I wanted to share some things with you guys. This is mostly free write but some are topics my teacher picked out. I do warn that some of these contain my own views, feelings, and recent happens and anything people might find offensive I do apologize but I will not reword these or edit them. Can't handle how they are written...DON'T READ IT! Other then that enjoy!
Day 10-
My mind right now feels like a whirlwind most of the time. I don't know what to do sometimes when I become stressed. Stress is very much taking it's toll. My thoughts go around in circles, restless like I can never get a break. But no matter how much I try I can never find any peace. I want to talk but I fear what many will say. It's really affecting me and I wonder if anyone can see it. Do they notice a change or do they even care? That's all I can think about, all I can ever worry about. I have no clue what to do or who to turn to so now it may very well affect me later too.
Day 11-
Dreams when you sleep can be very strange. Sometimes they are realistic, other times they are random and make no sense. We can interpret them in some way when we see they might have meaning. Sometimes we blow it off since it could be nothing. But why do we have dreams? Or better yet why do we have some of what we have? Our mind could be working without our knowledge or something could affect it before hand. It's an odd concept really. How our minds work in dreams we may never be able to comprehend it at all.
Day 12-
The first embarrassing moment would have to be in front of a large crowd. Every time I went or go up to the front of the class I hesitate. A lot of the time I also froze up, sometimes unable to look people in the eyes. It is so nerve racking, your stomach knots up and your throat tightens up. You find it hard to breathe and want to throw up from your stomach churning. It is all I do when in front of a class or crowd, with their eyes watching. You can't concentrate until you take a moment to breathe. That is the most embarrassing moments of my life.
Day 13-
How can one handle being overwhelmed by work, by the emotions they feel? It seems like there is no relief and no where to run. It's a hard time, harsh moments in which you can never rest, spending endless nights of nothing. Your mind is in turmoil, you feel mentally exhausted yet your body is awake. But there is nothing to help and your overwhelmed mind hits hard soon enough. You want it to end, to have relief but it doesn't come. Not soon enough. Eventually you just can't go on and just need to drop for a break. Indeed a rest would be needed.
Day 15-
My weekend wasn't of an exciting one. Most of the time I spent it baby sitting my siblings and other times I was studying. Half the time it was a typhoon, the rain pounding against the house and the wind blowing like crazy. It wasn't exactly a sunny weekend one could say, just a very storm filled one. We watched some movies now and again, helped with some chores but after didn't do much.
Day 16-
Why is it I feel I can't do a thing right? Every day I find myself unable to do something and screwing up. It's fucking irritating! I try and try to do something right, to do as asked yet it isn't enough. I want to be in the right but it seems my stress and my flaws have caught up to me. I'm frustrated and unsure, everything just seems to go wrong. Perhaps I am being negative or overreacting, maybe it's something else. I am not sure but nothing seems to help.
Day 17-
The days in school seem to go by slowly, other times it goes by quickly. It feels longer then 180 days, more like an eternity. Sometimes we notice it drag on and on, like it will never end. When it does go by you wonder where the day went. Sometimes the months are the same and you can only wonder. Why did the month go by slowly? Why doesn't it go by slower? We all have wants for it to go quickly but other times we want it to slow down.
Day 18-
Day 1-
My last first day of high school seemed quite exciting at first. Though going over the syllabus in any class you can't help think this class is going to be horrible but some classes seemed quite fun, others were interesting. Perhaps my favorite will be English 12 Honors but others not so much. The day seemed to go by so quickly at some points and others it was slower then a snail, maybe a slug even. Have to say though I was thoroughly proud to be this far in my school career and likely to continue onto better things. Just the first day was just a first stepping stone to a new out look, a new future. And I can't wait to see what it'll bring.
Day 2-
There are many important days and times in my life, hard to say which is the most important. When something happens to my family and not knowing the extent of what it is, those last minutes, even 10 minutes are suspenseful. One moment I remember is moving for the first time. Thoughts raced into my head such as what to expect, what would happen, and where we were going. The first few minutes I was scared and uncertain, going from a place I knew best. Yet after that I began to think it would be kinda cool. This was just like a new adventure to me when being so young at the time. But boy it was indeed a new adventure, and a gateway to the life I have now.
Day 3-
Fate is a funny thing in this world, some believe it but others choose not to. I am one of those who believes in fate, that things happen for a reason. Meeting someone or perhaps something occurs to affect you. I think things happen for a reason as to change who you are. Crazy? Maybe, but fate seems to work in odd ways. We never know our destinies, never know what we're meant to do yet these events and people in our lives are what guide us. It is what happens in our lives that it is for a reason, ever part has a purpose. Whether we choose to accept it or not is up to that person but either way fate affects us all.
Day 4-
I feel so lost and overwhelmed, unsure of what to do. Changes have happened quicker then I was ready for. Two younger siblings in a matter of four years, having new issues, and the occasional arguments between parents is stressful. Sometimes I don't even feel I am wanted. Now with school back in there is pressure to do better and get the grades required to be able to move on in life. In all I feel lost and confused, stressed with medical problems with my grandfather and the tension within the family. Maybe there is a way to make this better but I am afraid to confess how I feel with the fear of being in trouble or ignored.
Day 5-
There has really been no 'fads' that have hooked me. To be honest I've never been much into fashion or what the new thing is. Strange I know but it's true. Why should I care what's new and hip instead of being what I like to be. Perhaps I have one but don't care to look or just love being what I am. Being casually dressed, not having much make up, and saying my own thing is all who I am and ever will be.
Day 6-
What's the point of being someone we aren't and changing? We should be fine with who we are and not have to act in a way that makes us out of place. It seems alien, like we're drowning ourselves until we can't breathe. We're changing and hiding the true us. Isn't it wrong to do so? Make yourself a person that you wouldn't recognize in a mirror? You could also very well lose those close and never be the same. It's a sad and sorry situation. There may be a way out but there are some too deep to climb out of a hole they created. All I have to say is be careful and watch what you do. Who knows you may never know the person in your reflection is anymore.
Day 7-
We all should be creative more often, it's what allows us to escape some stress. This allows people to create something unique and different. It could be something from deep inside, something that allows us to bring out our inner self. We all have it and can show it in many ways. How we talk, what we write, what we draw or paint...there are so many possibilities. So why should we hide it? We need to let it out, not keep an idea inside for it could change the world around us. For all we know it could impact several then just yourself.
Day 8-
My first love would have to be in 5th grade when I was going to an after school care center. His name was Andrew and a new guy to the center, which yes he was cute but I was shy. It took a week or so before I really talked to him which was through a friend. Though we were young he was my first boy friend and the so called 'love' lasted for a month or two until he fell for another. At first it was hard but I got over the break up and we eventually decided to stay friends. Though he was a grade lower than me though the same age and I ended up leaving when going to the middle school. And that was pretty much my first love.
Day 9-
There is so much in our future we consider or have to consider. Some of us will do great while others will fail to barely making a living. We have so much to offer and yet so much we hold back. So what should we do when we worry about our future? The key is to not worry but just to do your best and strive higher all the time. Use a skill you have, learn something new, or even use your talent. Somehow there is a way to keep afloat, we just have to find it.
My last first day of high school seemed quite exciting at first. Though going over the syllabus in any class you can't help think this class is going to be horrible but some classes seemed quite fun, others were interesting. Perhaps my favorite will be English 12 Honors but others not so much. The day seemed to go by so quickly at some points and others it was slower then a snail, maybe a slug even. Have to say though I was thoroughly proud to be this far in my school career and likely to continue onto better things. Just the first day was just a first stepping stone to a new out look, a new future. And I can't wait to see what it'll bring.
Day 2-
There are many important days and times in my life, hard to say which is the most important. When something happens to my family and not knowing the extent of what it is, those last minutes, even 10 minutes are suspenseful. One moment I remember is moving for the first time. Thoughts raced into my head such as what to expect, what would happen, and where we were going. The first few minutes I was scared and uncertain, going from a place I knew best. Yet after that I began to think it would be kinda cool. This was just like a new adventure to me when being so young at the time. But boy it was indeed a new adventure, and a gateway to the life I have now.
Day 3-
Fate is a funny thing in this world, some believe it but others choose not to. I am one of those who believes in fate, that things happen for a reason. Meeting someone or perhaps something occurs to affect you. I think things happen for a reason as to change who you are. Crazy? Maybe, but fate seems to work in odd ways. We never know our destinies, never know what we're meant to do yet these events and people in our lives are what guide us. It is what happens in our lives that it is for a reason, ever part has a purpose. Whether we choose to accept it or not is up to that person but either way fate affects us all.
Day 4-
I feel so lost and overwhelmed, unsure of what to do. Changes have happened quicker then I was ready for. Two younger siblings in a matter of four years, having new issues, and the occasional arguments between parents is stressful. Sometimes I don't even feel I am wanted. Now with school back in there is pressure to do better and get the grades required to be able to move on in life. In all I feel lost and confused, stressed with medical problems with my grandfather and the tension within the family. Maybe there is a way to make this better but I am afraid to confess how I feel with the fear of being in trouble or ignored.
Day 5-
There has really been no 'fads' that have hooked me. To be honest I've never been much into fashion or what the new thing is. Strange I know but it's true. Why should I care what's new and hip instead of being what I like to be. Perhaps I have one but don't care to look or just love being what I am. Being casually dressed, not having much make up, and saying my own thing is all who I am and ever will be.
Day 6-
What's the point of being someone we aren't and changing? We should be fine with who we are and not have to act in a way that makes us out of place. It seems alien, like we're drowning ourselves until we can't breathe. We're changing and hiding the true us. Isn't it wrong to do so? Make yourself a person that you wouldn't recognize in a mirror? You could also very well lose those close and never be the same. It's a sad and sorry situation. There may be a way out but there are some too deep to climb out of a hole they created. All I have to say is be careful and watch what you do. Who knows you may never know the person in your reflection is anymore.
Day 7-
We all should be creative more often, it's what allows us to escape some stress. This allows people to create something unique and different. It could be something from deep inside, something that allows us to bring out our inner self. We all have it and can show it in many ways. How we talk, what we write, what we draw or paint...there are so many possibilities. So why should we hide it? We need to let it out, not keep an idea inside for it could change the world around us. For all we know it could impact several then just yourself.
Day 8-
My first love would have to be in 5th grade when I was going to an after school care center. His name was Andrew and a new guy to the center, which yes he was cute but I was shy. It took a week or so before I really talked to him which was through a friend. Though we were young he was my first boy friend and the so called 'love' lasted for a month or two until he fell for another. At first it was hard but I got over the break up and we eventually decided to stay friends. Though he was a grade lower than me though the same age and I ended up leaving when going to the middle school. And that was pretty much my first love.
Day 9-
There is so much in our future we consider or have to consider. Some of us will do great while others will fail to barely making a living. We have so much to offer and yet so much we hold back. So what should we do when we worry about our future? The key is to not worry but just to do your best and strive higher all the time. Use a skill you have, learn something new, or even use your talent. Somehow there is a way to keep afloat, we just have to find it.
Day 10-
My mind right now feels like a whirlwind most of the time. I don't know what to do sometimes when I become stressed. Stress is very much taking it's toll. My thoughts go around in circles, restless like I can never get a break. But no matter how much I try I can never find any peace. I want to talk but I fear what many will say. It's really affecting me and I wonder if anyone can see it. Do they notice a change or do they even care? That's all I can think about, all I can ever worry about. I have no clue what to do or who to turn to so now it may very well affect me later too.
Day 11-
Dreams when you sleep can be very strange. Sometimes they are realistic, other times they are random and make no sense. We can interpret them in some way when we see they might have meaning. Sometimes we blow it off since it could be nothing. But why do we have dreams? Or better yet why do we have some of what we have? Our mind could be working without our knowledge or something could affect it before hand. It's an odd concept really. How our minds work in dreams we may never be able to comprehend it at all.
Day 12-
The first embarrassing moment would have to be in front of a large crowd. Every time I went or go up to the front of the class I hesitate. A lot of the time I also froze up, sometimes unable to look people in the eyes. It is so nerve racking, your stomach knots up and your throat tightens up. You find it hard to breathe and want to throw up from your stomach churning. It is all I do when in front of a class or crowd, with their eyes watching. You can't concentrate until you take a moment to breathe. That is the most embarrassing moments of my life.
Day 13-
How can one handle being overwhelmed by work, by the emotions they feel? It seems like there is no relief and no where to run. It's a hard time, harsh moments in which you can never rest, spending endless nights of nothing. Your mind is in turmoil, you feel mentally exhausted yet your body is awake. But there is nothing to help and your overwhelmed mind hits hard soon enough. You want it to end, to have relief but it doesn't come. Not soon enough. Eventually you just can't go on and just need to drop for a break. Indeed a rest would be needed.
Day 15-
My weekend wasn't of an exciting one. Most of the time I spent it baby sitting my siblings and other times I was studying. Half the time it was a typhoon, the rain pounding against the house and the wind blowing like crazy. It wasn't exactly a sunny weekend one could say, just a very storm filled one. We watched some movies now and again, helped with some chores but after didn't do much.
Day 16-
Why is it I feel I can't do a thing right? Every day I find myself unable to do something and screwing up. It's fucking irritating! I try and try to do something right, to do as asked yet it isn't enough. I want to be in the right but it seems my stress and my flaws have caught up to me. I'm frustrated and unsure, everything just seems to go wrong. Perhaps I am being negative or overreacting, maybe it's something else. I am not sure but nothing seems to help.
Day 17-
The days in school seem to go by slowly, other times it goes by quickly. It feels longer then 180 days, more like an eternity. Sometimes we notice it drag on and on, like it will never end. When it does go by you wonder where the day went. Sometimes the months are the same and you can only wonder. Why did the month go by slowly? Why doesn't it go by slower? We all have wants for it to go quickly but other times we want it to slow down.
Day 18-