Addiction gone too far(Ironhide/open)

[Ironhide]

Ironhide patted Sideswipe's shoulder, offering a smirk of his own. "I laughed at some o' yer jokes, though I didn't always show it. Even some o yer pranks got a smile outa me, later. Just didn't wanna encourage yer more destructive antics is all." he responded. "As fer yer brother, ya know each other better n anybot, so I'll trust yer word on it." he added, then looked around at the training yard the pair had decimated. "Speedy's gonna need ya." he murmured softly then, his expression taking on a more far off, almost sad countenance. "I ain't gonna live ferever, much as I'd like ta. I hope she is yer One, I really do. I couldn't think o' a better match fer either o' ya." he said, and looked to his young protege, offering a warm smile.

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Sideswipe was actually surprised to hear this, having thought Ironhide really was going to always be stern when it came to his and Sunstreaker's pranks, or the times when he had done things solo. "Ha I knew it!"He said with a smirk but his expression turned sad a bit as he nodded a bit knowing Ironhide was right but also couldn't help but wonder,"Ironhide, I'm not really that knowledgeable on bonds except of them being sacred and meant for another, or even the sibling one me and Sunny have." he said glancing at his former mentor,"What happens if she isn't my One?"

[Ironhide]

Ironhide flinched involuntarily at the question and looked away a bit, venting a little forcefully. "It hurts, a lot." he retorted shortly, then turned and took a few steps away from Sideswipe. It was obvious then that it was something he had experienced directly, and knowing how inquisitive Sideswipe could be, he vented a resigned sigh and lowered his head. "Is called Spark Rejection. If two try ta bond n their Sparks ain't fer each other, they'll reject it, pushing away from the other. Sometimes they'll push away so hard ya end up torn from each other's arms n thrown across the room." he told Sideswipe honestly, his hand coming to rest on his chest as he remembered the day he had tried to bond with Ratchet only for their Sparks to reject each other violently. Ratchet had been worried that if they attempted it again, the attempt could kill one or both of them, and Ironhide had relented and let it go, letting Ratchet go as well. They had been lovers off and on since before Reunification, something Sideswipe and his brother knew, along with Optimus and a few others within the Autobot inner circle. But the brothers weren't there when they had attempted the bonding, and neither of them spoke of the incident. The only other mech who knew was Optimus and that was only because he had heard the commotion in Ironhide's room on the ship and insisted upon an explanation.

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Sideswipe listened and immediately regretted asking the question, but also it had been best to know instead of it resulting happening between him and Speed Demon. Though now it was a real concern of possibly her being harmed that he was concerned of, more then his own well being if things could be so violent. "When this happened, with whoever you were with Ironhide, I just hope it doesn't happen for me and Speed Demon.If it does at least she will always be family to me."He said softly, having caught on a bit of Ironhide possibly going through it himself. "But first I have an addiction to get over in the next few months and she has some growing up to do before that happens."

[Ironhide]

Ironhide nodded a bit, then let his hand fall back to his side before turning to look at Sideswipe. "Ya said yerself ya were drawn ta her, that yer Spark seemed ta call out ta her. I dun think ya gotta worry bout it, Sides, I'm pretty sure she's yer One, just gonna take time 'fore she's ready ta bond with ya. That's all." he offered sincerely, then looked away again for a few long moments as he seemed to be looking to the horizon. He vented softly and lowered his gaze finally, seeming to be fighting with something inside himself. "It was Ratchet..." he finally murmured, then turned and started to walk away from his young protege and adopted son, though his stride was slow, almost hesitant.

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"Is that why you two were fighting before?"Sideswipe asked as he turned to look at Ironhide, wondering if that had nearly triggered the fight between the two. Or possibly something on a close topic to it. Regardless he just wanted to know if it had been that or not, but if Ironhide said it wasn't his business Sideswipe wouldn't press for the older mech to tell him, not like he use to at some points in his younger years. Though he was glad Ironhide had faith that him and Speed Demon would be alright, now he was just concerned that there was more then just age bothering the burly mech.

[Ironhide]

Ironhide paused in his stride, turning his head to glance back at Sideswipe over his shoulder. "No, that happened on the ship, long time ago." he replied, his voice low. He had no idea why, but he suddenly felt like he needed someone to actually talk to, and while he still loved Ratchet, he could not talk to the Medic about it for fear of hurting him. Nor could he tell his leader and friend Optimus. Red Alert knew, but talking to him about it would likely stress out the already frazzled nerves of the fractious Security mech. But he had to talk to someone, and as much as he feared for the mech he loved, fearing the Decepticons would tear him apart just to torture and bring Ironhide down, Sideswipe he knew, Sideswipe he trusted, Sideswipe he loved as if he had Sparked the young blade master and his twin brother himself. He closed his optics then, his head down, his hands clenched tightly trying to keep them from trembling. "Ratchet wanted ta know why my tanks were bound up, n I... couldn't tell 'im..." he admitted softly, trying hard to keep the tremor out of his voice.

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Sideswipe's optic ridges furrowed, now growing quite concerned for his old mentor and adoptive father, never seeing him act like this ever. Skating over Sideswipe rested a hand on the burly mech's shoulder, giving him a deeply concerned look,"Ironhide if you need to talk about it you know I'm here for you. Yea I don't always show it but I always worry about you guys and whatever it is, is really bothering you."He said softly, hoping Ironhide wouldn't block him out next too. The silver mech had already had his issues now it was his turn to be there for Ironhide.

[Ironhide]

Ironhide vented heavily, but he didn't move, didn't pull away, and didn't shrug Sideswipe off. "Sometimes things happen in yer life, ya dunno why, ya dun even realize whatcha got right in front o' ya, then suddenly it gets ripped from ya n ya spend the rest o' yer life in pain tryin' ta figure out what the slag happened. I s'pose I turned ta hate just ta make the pain go away... but it stopped workin' after a while..." The big mech shook his head then, more to himself than anything else. "I've had a hole in my Spark so long, been hurtin' so long, I fergot what it felt like ta be whole..." he admitted softly, absently rubbing the jagged scar on his chest, not realizing what he was doing.

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At first Sideswipe didn't quite know what to make of what Ironhide said, looking quite puzzled as he watched the burly mech that was until his gaze fell on Ironhide's hand going over the scar on his chest. He had heard bits and pieces of what happened between Ironhide and Barricade, to why they had hated each other so much, possibly explaining what had occurred the day Barricade came while also nearly taking Anna as a hostage, least it appeared that way. And then that's when it hit...

"Barricade...he's hurt you again hasn't he 'Hide? Just not exactly entirely physically right?" He inquired, not trying to sound hostile but there was still, deep down, some anger towards Barricade for what he had done to Ironhide yet he wasn't about to show it towards his former mentor and make this situation worse. For all he knew his guess could be wrong.

[Ironhide]

To Ironhide's audio receptors, Sideswipe figured out more than he expected, though he was not sure why or how. He gave the younger mech a startled look then, which softened to sadness and he looked away. "Weren't his fault..." he muttered then, venting softly. "Was never his fault... I never shoulda listened ta them... shoulda listened ta my Spark... shoulda stayed there... shoulda waited fer him... he never meant ta hurt me... cause I was stupid I lost 'im... I lost everythin'... I did this ta us... it was my fault... all of it... my fault..." he rambled almost incoherently, his voice growing soft until it was barely a whisper, then his voice finally broke and he turned away suddenly, closing his optics. With a sharp cry he hauled back and punched a deep crater in the nearby wall, only to end up leaning heavily against it, his forehead pressed hard against the damaged surface, his frame trembling from the effort of trying to hold everything in like always. Such had always been Ironhide's habit, and now it was tearing him apart from the inside, though he never realized it.

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A little startled Sideswipe jumped back be reaction, not knowing quite what to say to Ironhide as he could only watch the older mech. He was truly suffering and the silver mech felt powerless to really help at all, only able to look at his adoptive father before coming to his side resting a hand on his shoulder once more,"Ironhide I'm sorry...I shouldn't have brought it up."He said softly, still regretting he even mentioned it as it only seemed to make things worse for Ironhide and it was obvious.

[Ironhide]

Ironhide felt Sideswipe's hand on his shoulder and he reacted out of reflex, sliding to his knees as he turned and wrapped his arms around his adoptive son, burying his face against the silver mech's chest, shivering as he cried quietly. It was getting to be too much for the burly mech, and he was beginning to realize it. But what could he possibly do? Barricade had made his choice to continue scouting among the Decepticons, only now he was feeding Ironhide any information he gathered about Megatron and his soldiers. There were a few fleeting moments they shared together, holding each other close, but they were few and far between, and while Ironhide kept up a brave front, on the inside the separation was slowly killing him. Not only that, but Ironhide was terrified the Decepticons would find out about their real relationship which would mean a death sentence for Barricade, or worse, just to destroy Ironhide, the Autobots strongest fighter besides Optimus and Magnus.

[Deleted]

Shock was clear on the young mech's face, Sideswipe never expecting to see IRonhide, one of the bravest and strongest mechs he knew, to break down and cry as he was. But none the less Sideswipe knelt with his adoptive father, holding him close as Ironhide always did with him and now it was vice versa, to help his adoptive father the best he could. In reality there was little he could do for the burly mech, only give comfort and support whenever Ironhide needed it, even when he didn't always admit he did.

[Ironhide]

Ironhide could only hold onto Sideswipe for a long time, unable to lift his head or move from that spot. The one he truly needed could not be there, but Sideswipe seemed to understand and unlike Red Alert, was more readily willing to offer much needed comfort. Ironhide remained that way, on his knees, holding Sideswipe, his face buried against the silver mech's armor, for several long minutes. Eventually his shivering silent sobs subsided to deep venting, which slowed after a bit before Ironhide finally lifted his head to look at Sideswipe at last, his blue optics bright with suppressed pain, though he seemed more composed now. "Dun ever let 'er go, Sides. Ya lose her, ye'll regret it fer the rest o' yer life." he offered in a soft and slightly shaky voice, a tone that spoke of genuine experience and pain of far too many thousands of years living in agony without the one he truly loved. He couldn't bring himself to really elaborate on what had happened between himself and Barricade, but what he could do was make one request of his young protege. "Whatever ya might think o' me n him... dun tell anyone what ya know o' us... I beg ya... If the 'Cons find out, they'll tear 'im apart just ta hurt me..." he urged in hushed tones. "Only other one that knows is Red, n he'll die 'fore he'll say anythin'." he added to emphasize the urgency of the request. He desperately needed Sideswipe to understand and help Ironhide protect Barricade, somehow.